To Want and To Have
by YaniWrites
Summary: It's been a couple months since Auggie had upped and left the Agency, and Annie is feeling the after effects. It had been years since she's had to deal with life without her tether, and now, she's just without it. But what lengths will she go for just to have what she wants? How long will it take for her to realize that it's exactly what she needs, too?
1. Chapter 1

**AN:  
OK. Let me take this brief moment to squeal in delight. I have FINALLY, after much thought, come to write my first FF about Covert Affairs. Let's just say I've had an unhealthy obsession with it for a while, and since USA won't give me anymore, I've had to resort to my own imagination to not go nuts without Walkerson. Because Walkerson is it.**

 **Thank you to Finlaure13 for a countless number of things: inspiration, tips on getting the title and what not. You so better check her stuff. They're a work of a genius.**

 **So. Here. Yeah. Even if CA's been cancelled, I still own none of these characters. Even if I wanna own Auggie. Enjoy!**

Numb was much easier. Numb meant there wasn't any pain. Numb meant she wouldn't ever hurt. Especially not this way.

Annie Walker was a woman whose pain tolerance sky rocketed to different heights. It was this that made her a huge asset to the Agency. It was also her weakness. It meant that she allowed herself to feel pain to get things done and more often than not, involving her emotions in her operations. This also made her an enormous liability to the agency. Still, she played with it as a strength- up until now, when she would do absolutely anything to stop the hurting and simply feel nothing.

She wondered what it felt like, to feel cold and numb. Would it drive her crazy? Had it been this numbness that made many of the people she faced so capable of inflicting pain? She wished she understood, but she didn't. Because today, all she felt was gut-wrenching pain.

It's all she had been feeling for a while now. Ever since the afternoon that Auggie came by. Even more so since he called to say goodbye to fly to someplace around the globe she didn't know. She suddenly felt unchained from the rock that grounded her to reality- felt like she didn't really know where and who she was. It felt wrong, but most of all, it felt painful. Like suddenly, a part of her, something so organic, had been pulled out from her, and she couldn't stop the bleeding.

Not even with the man beside her right now. She knew what he was. A distraction. A decoy for the pain. She wanted so bad not to believe herself, but she knew herself better than that.

"You're miles and miles away, Annie."

"Thinking how it's going to be like at the Agency tomorrow, I guess." It wasn't a lie per se. She wondered what tomorrow would be like. It would be like her first day again, and while she was familiar with the Agency's ropes, she had lost her tether to reality. This time, there would be no Auggie to guide her. No Auggie in her ear. It wasn't even like being reassigned to Lena, because she knew then she could come back and have a nice draft beer at Allen's with him if she had a shitty day. This time, he really wouldn't be there. Heck, she didn't even know where she could find him.

Annie could only pray that things were boding well for Auggie. It would be more bearable to think of it that way- at least one of them could live with the happiness they deserved. Auggie deserved it more than she did, or so she believed.

"You'll kick butt," It wasn't the voice she wanted to hear. Ryan McQuaid was a wonderful and romantic guy. He was one for adventure- maybe the reason why he had fallen so madly in love with Annie. Annie thought she felt the same way until he'd asked for her hand- but instead, all she thought about was losing Auggie and she couldn't stand it. It had caused her to delay her answer to his proposal- a topic she evaded every time he would bring it up. He was patient and persistent however. He waited.

She wanted to give him the answer he wanted. He'd given her everything she needed from day one, and Annie, in her selfishness, couldn't give him what he wanted. For once, she was capable to do so. Yet she couldn't, because from that last conversation with Auggie, she knew that it wasn't the right decision to make.

She hadn't lied to Auggie that afternoon. She did get it- but making a move on it seemed the most difficult thing she ever had to do. So for the first time in her life, Annie ran away from it. She couldn't tear apart the happiness of the man she loved. She couldn't change the course of his life just because her gut told her so.

"I always do," Annie replied with a smile. She gave him a half-hearted peck on the lips before dragging herself into the shower. She felt all kinds of heavy, yet she wanted so much to be back at the Agency. She hoped that it would clear her head and give her more things to think of, but instead, her thoughts drifted still to the man who had toured her around on her first day. She grabbed herself some bagels for breakfast and headed for the door.

"Hey," McQuaid grabbed her waist from behind- a playful gesture that she would've appreciated if she wasn't so lost in her thoughts. She laughed still though, because she could still pretend. "Dinner tonight?"

"Drop me a line, I'll be there," she smiled. "I'm gonna be late for work, darling."

She sped through Washington with tears running down her eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**WARNING: LONG AN BEFORE I ACTUALLY GIVE YOU THE CHAPTER. HAHA.  
I'm back with a new chapter! The response to the first one was absolutely astounding and I have to thank all of you for it.**

I had planned chapter 2 so differently, but sometimes, things just come to you like lightning. Tonight, I decided to write and turn something that has recently happened to me into a little plot bunny to make me slightly happier. hihi.

This chapter is also inspired by a song I heard two nights ago in a concert. I've heard this text set to different music, but this was just too amazing. Text is actually a Sara Teasdale poem entitled "I am Not Yours". The text is here, but do search for the music setting arranged by Randall Stroope on Youtube. It's just... brilliant.

 ** _I am not yours, not lost in you,_**  
 ** _Not lost, although I long to be_**  
 ** _Lost as a candle lit at noon,_**  
 ** _Lost as a snowflake in the sea._**

 ** _You love me, and I find you still_**  
 ** _A spirit beautiful and bright,_**  
 ** _Yet I am I, who long to be_**  
 ** _Lost as a light is lost in light._**

 ** _Oh plunge me deep in love—put out_**  
 ** _My senses, leave me deaf and blind,_**  
 ** _Swept by the tempest of your love,_**  
 ** _A taper in a rushing wind._** **  
**

 **Sadly however, Auggie Anderson still isn't mine. Nor is the rest of CA.**

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

Often, fate has a cruel way of bringing you to different realities. Auggie Anderson knew that better than anybody. He'd had the whole of his life at the palm of his hands when he had enlisted ad had been deployed to Iraq, but fate had other plans. He returned to the United States a very different man than he had been before.

Losing his eyesight was only the tip of the iceberg. There was much, much more that Auggie had little choice but to give up after that explosion. No more was the extremely spontaneous boy he had been, instead an extremely calculated man who had everything in order would surface. He forced himself to adjust- he knew that it was one thing he was good at. It was how life was when he was at the agency. As much as you do everything to fulfill a mission, you do anything to survive it too.

The thing is, simply surviving isn't living. It was something he'd never known, and at that moment that Decker made him realize just that, he knew it was something he knew he had to give a chance. Everything had gone full circle then. Tash was back with him and he could finally have that happily ever after that the agency couldn't grant him before.

Except there was a little problem.

Was his happily ever after then and now the same? Auggie, out of everyone, would know that rarely is something ever constant. Everything moves, everything changes. It had been years since he and Tash had been together. It almost even felt like a lifetime ago.

Because it was. Auggie wasn't the boy he was then. What he had wanted then was different from what he wanted now. Now that he understood that no matter how he tried, things could never be the same.

Auggie had been swept under his feet with the idea of exploring the world with Tash. But a month and a half in 3 different cities later, he was beginning to lose his head. He had hoped that Tash would be quick to learn the trade of living with a blind guy, but it was proving to be a headache. She'd always been such a mess when they were together and he had been sighted, but now, it only seemed worse because he suffered the consequences of her lack of organizational skills. He'd lost his cool so many times, and Tash was quick to point out the reason why things weren't working for them.

"You're not the Auggie back then," she'd repeated so many times. He wanted to say he was, but knew it would be the biggest lie. Many things had changed- things even he couldn't stop from changing if he wanted to.

He was reaching the end of his straw at this point. He'd thought if it would have been better if he'd just stayed at the Agency- in DC, in the comforts of his apartment… with Annie. Annie who in a heartbeat had learned to move around him with such ease that even he forgot of the plight that his Iraq deployment had left him with. Annie whom he'd learned to love and let go.

He thought it was easy to let her go, if only because he had Tash now- like it should've been with him from the beginning. Like it should've been when he wasn't so angry that the CIA had denied his close and continuing that he had himself flown to Iraq. But nothing now was easy- not even remotely comfortable. He had reached the end of the string with Tash, and it snapped in an instant with a message he had received in his email. It was brief- from his brother Anthony.

 _Come home,_ it had read. _Dad's really sick. It's pretty serious._

Tash had been on a warpath the evening that Auggie proposed that they go back to the US. She wanted nothing to do with the place- not after everything she'd had to go through. She'd pretty much declared herself on self-exile.

"I'm not going back there," she'd argued over and over. Auggie only shook his head. He told her he didn't want to either- he and his father have always been at odds- but he had to, and he would go even without her. He begged her to come with him, but she wouldn't have any of it. She'd packed her bags and left him, the way they were so used to doing. He'd cursed everything to hell when she did it again, but then, he realized how entirely peaceful he seemed without her presence. Tash was a firecracker, but she was one he couldn't handle. He learned he was better off without her, learned he was better off alone.

But he didn't want to be. He knew who he'd always wanted to be with. So after booking a ticket back to the US, Auggie sent that one person whom he knew would always have his back a message.

 _I'm coming home._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It was one line. She read it over and over and over again. The sender, the message. Everything. She knew she was missing something. What had gone wrong? Why so soon?

There weren't details. Just that he was coming home, and truly, Annie didn't know how to feel. She thought he had been happy- he was when he left. She honestly never thought she'd see him in at least a year. She thought when their paths would cross, he and Tash would've gotten married. It wasn't like Auggie to give up so soon.

Her fingers froze as it grazed her iPhone. She wanted to respond, but didn't know what there was to say. There was so much she wanted to say, to ask, but none of them felt apt for an email conversation. So she settled for something even shorter.

 _When?_

Her brain was going into overdrive. She wanted him to respond within a second, but her phone didn't ping that evening. And yes, she waited. She ruminated upon the circumstances that could possibly bring Auggie back. She thought until she was exhausted, until she fell asleep, only to be woken in the morning by her phone's chirping. Two messages had her bolting upright in her bed. Two messages from two different men who meant very different things in her life.

 _Missed you last night. I know you're off today. I'll pick you up for some lunch._

But she was quicker to acknowledge the second message: the one she had been waiting for since the night before.

 _Tonight. Make sure we've got us some Patron for company. Can't wait to see you again, Walker._

Annie smiled in a way she was aware she hadn't in a long while. Suddenly, she was looking forward to the end of the day. Her emotions were again a confused puddle- she was happy Auggie was coming back, but she felt guilty for Ryan, who had watched and waited for her to get herself back together since Auggie left. The issue however was that she never did. While she thrived in the workspace, everyone knew it was to distract herself from something, and Annie knew it was the emptiness that Auggie left. She acknowledged Ryan's effort to fill that void and she wanted so much for things to work out between them, but it never seemed to be enough. Ryan simply wasn't Auggie, and he would never be.

She prepared herself for her lunch out with Ryan, washed up and tried to focus on him rather than Auggie, but her mind wandered about. They drove to their favorite Italian restaurant, a quaint little place about 15 minutes from Annie's flat. Ryan had made early reservations and they ordered their usuals, made small talk and headed back since Ryan had to return to work.

"Tonight again, then, Annie?" he asked as he stroked Annie's hand. They were walking from his car to Annie's place. He stopped at the door, continuing to caress Annie's hand. He particularly touched her bare ring finger when Annie stiffened slightly.

"Ryan, I can't." The words escaped her lips as she exhaled, trying her best to pull herself together and stop the tears from streaming down her face. She failed.

"Don't cry, Annie." McQuaid brushed her hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. "It's only tonight."

Annie shook her head viciously. She couldn't go on with it anymore- she couldn't keep hoping that maybe someday, she'd realize she could reciprocate his love for her. With or without Auggie in the picture, she knew she couldn't. "It's not just tonight, Ryan. I can't. I can't marry you."

Ryan's head dropped, his hand releasing Annie's. He had no words. He somehow knew it was coming. Annie had been so different since they returned. But somehow, he hoped circumstances would change, that she would love him as much as he, her.

"You deserve a woman who loves you as much as you love her," Annie echoed his sentiments. "I can't be that woman. I tried, Ryan. I just can't be that. I don't have the capacity to love the way that you do."

Then, Ryan's eyes met hers. Despite the heartbreak, he would never be able to live with himself if he affirmed her thought. "That's a lie," he told her. He took her hands again, squeezed them tightly as if to draw strength to say what he was about to. "Everyone has the capacity to love. Even you, Annie. And I hope and pray that you find that person you learn to love in a way that everything else will cease to exist." He knew she'd found him. All of them had just been so bullheaded to admit it. He, Annie and Auggie, together. He only hoped and prayed that Auggie would realize the same.

"So this is it?" Annie asked. "The way it ends?"

"I guess so. But only for another chapter of our friendship, I hope." He let go of Annie again, running the back of his fingers down her cheek for a moment. He would miss her, but he knows that she was never his to begin with.

"It won't ever be the same," she whimpered as she hugged him.

"No, it won't. But it'll be as it should be." He extracted himself from Annie's shaking form, took her hand and kissed it one last time. "Goodbye, Annie."

He left silent as the wind- leaving no mark of his presence but a sobbing Annie. She collapsed on her bed, the tears not letting up just yet. She cried out of so many emotions that she had bottled up for weeks. She cried out of guilt, but she cried too because of relief. She couldn't remember how long it continued.

He knocked so loud, the excitement seeped out of him. Auggie had been so emotionally and physically drained since that message from his brother, and this was his reprieve. He got to see Annie again. How he missed her.

"Walker!" he shouted through the door. He was practically bouncing on the balls of his foot. It was so unlike Annie to take so much time to answer the door, but just the moment that she did open the door, he knew there was something wrong.

"Auggie?" she sounded so stuffy- had she been crying? But even before he could think, she launched herself at him. Hearing her whisper his name into his ear was enough to rid him of every ounce of exhaustion he felt. He smiled the way he hadn't in a long time.

"I missed you too, Walker."

 **A/N: Yey the're back together! I'm on a roll here, and I really hope I don't drop the ball. Our finals for this semester is coming soon, so I hope I still find time to push myself to keep writing despite it all. Thank you thank you to everyone who has left a review and a favorited this story. It's just so much fun to hear from you guys! Don't forget to leave some love for this Chapter too!**

 **CA isn't mine, if you didn't already know by the way. Coz if it was, they'd still be on screen. HUHU.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N I cannot tell you how difficult this chapter was to write, so thank you for your patience waiting for this new chapter. This feels like such a pivotal moment, I can only hope you guys appreciate it. I keep writing (of course other than to keep my sanity because USA cancelled CA. THE MOURNING CONTINUES) because of the words you leave on the review section. Thank you for keeping me going!**

 **So enough of that, let's get into some Walkerson action- stuff that ain't mine, ya know, coz I'm still not rich enough to have Covert Affairs back on the screen and own the series.**

 **Chapter 4**

They stood there, hugging for quite a while. Auggie kept his one arm around Annie, his other on his cane as Annie sobbed quite heavily. He couldn't bring himself to ask just yet, but he knew too that they couldn't stay in the chilly November air too long. He found Annie's hand with his free one.

"Hey. Why don't we step inside." Auggie said gently, turning Annie around. She had somehow managed to mutter an affirmation, and Auggie found her elbow from there. Annie wiped away her tears furiously as she led him to the lounger.

"I'm going to mix up some tea. You want anything? Water? Patron?"

"Patron sounds good."

She didn't say another word but padded to the kitchen. Auggie heard her sniff a couple of times, but decided to wait until she came back with the Patron. She did pretty soon. She handed over the bottle and curled up beside him on the lounger. He tipped in some of the contents- liquid courage to ask his questions.

"I know you missed me, but that's an awful lot of tears." He joked in hopes to warm her up to the conversation. She only sniffled in response and took a sip from her tea. Auggie knew she wasn't spilling with something as light a jab as that. He scooted closer to Annie and took the hand that his had bumped in the process.

"You know I hate to hear you cry." He drew little circles the way he used to soothe her during moments of duress. He was surprised to have her lean over on her shoulder. They stayed that way for a while, and it was Annie who broke that silence.

"I broke it off with Ryan today," she whispered. It was all she could say. She didn't know if she had the courage to tell Auggie why she had done it- because he had told her to follow her instinct. Her instinct then told her two things: that Ryan McQuaid wasn't the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, and that she wasn't ready to go on with a life that didn't have Auggie in the picture. She couldn't tell Auggie the latter thought however. She could only take too much heartbreak in one day. Besides, she wasn't going to justify her actions with saying "because you told me too." She wasn't that daft.

Without warning, the waterworks began again, and she only dug her face deeper into Auggie's shoulder. He let her cry for a bit, but when she seemed to calm down a little more, he asked the question that had been left hanging in the air.

"You broke it off. Then why the tears?" he asked.

"I don't know. Relief. Guilt. Everything in the middle. Fear even, maybe."

"Annie Walker is afraid of something?" Auggie extracted Annie from his shoulder, taking Annie's slender ones into his hands. He scoffed, but it was to hide the surprise he felt.

"I'm afraid I might never share what future Ryan offered with anyone," Annie whispered. "You know, a life far beyond the agency. A family at some point, even. I don't know if I can give myself to anyone anymore, because the man I love has someone else in his arms."

The words poured out like a waterfall. Annie wanted to punish herself for saying them out loud. It was true though. She couldn't be happy with Ryan. But she knew she couldn't ever be happy with anyone other than this man that held her in his arms- someone who had someone else. Auggie didn't know how much it broke Annie as he rocked her back to a comfort. He didn't know she spoke of him. Or at least, he wouldn't allow himself to expect that this same man was him, only because he felt the same way for her. He'd only remained silent because there had been a small part of him that rejoiced in Annie's news- he didn't want it to come out that way. He loved Annie, he knew. But in all honesty, his return had been marred with thoughts of _what ifs_. What if Annie had decided to get married to McQuaid was one he didn't have answers to though. It was something he would never be able to live with, and it was something he would only have himself to blame for.

"Tash and I broke things off, too." Auggie's tried to keep his voice even. Like a light switch, Annie's sobbing came to a halt. He heard something he definitely had not expected: she laughed.

"What a pity party we've become," she chuckled. Auggie couldn't deny that they did sort of sound like a pathetic bunch of friends weeping over Patron and Tea because of their break-ups. He chuckled too. "What happened?" Annie asked the inevitable.

Auggie took his time to put together his answer. "You know, so many things have changed since Tikrit. The past few years for me have been acceptance of what I had lost that day, and I'm going to tell you that my eyesight may as well be the least of it. So many things are different now after Tikrit. I'm different, and I hadn't known that Tash wouldn't be able to deal with that. I'd just wanted things to be as they had been before between us, but I realized, too much has changed. There are many more factors that have come into the equation that I've blatantly disregarded only to have a fraction of my life then back. I realize now that it isn't possible."

Annie simply leaned back into his shoulder, at a loss for words beyond what she would blurt out.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"I'm not."

She pulled away, caught off-guard by Auggie's statement. He wasn't? Had he not been the happiest she had ever seen him when he had divulged his decision to go around the world with Natasha? She had been so sure then that she had lost the only chance she ever had to having the love of her life, only she had been so stubborn to admit it. Yet they were there, only a month or so later, lamenting each other's failures in the love department.

"You're not?" Annie asked.

"I'm not." Auggie repeated. "We wouldn't be here if I hadn't realized that."

"We wouldn't. Where exactly is here?"

"In your apartment. Sipping on tea and Patron. Mulling our lives apart as the disasters that they have been." Auggie pushed away to face Annie, his hand on her shoulder. He slid it up to her cheek. "Maybe together really is where we should be."

"Are we having that talk again?" Annie smiled. Auggie felt it as he cupped her cheek, a moment of jubilation because he had thought of every situation that could have gone awry and yet here, with her smile, she accepted him. And more than he had ever felt in months, he knew he was complete.

"I guess."

The kiss was as magical as the first time. In fact, it seemed sweeter this time around.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N This chapter took a lot longer to write than I thought it would- also because it ended up longer than it should have really been. I hope you like it. Your reviews have been the most wonderful things, and I hope you keep them coming.**

 **Still though, Covert Affairs has been cancelled because I don't own it. Otherwise, it would be very much alive.**

 **Chapter 5**

Waking up had never felt so wonderful.

That was Auggie's first thought upon waking up in Annie's apartment, curled up in her bed together, where they had taken last night's affairs. To him, waking up was probably the most difficult part of his day- everyday a process, however long or short, of orienting himself of his surroundings and the fact that he couldn't see. It had been most terrifying when he had just been injured: disoriented from still vision heavy dreams, he'd have to battle the anxiety that came with the realization that he couldn't see. To be honest, even to that very day, years and years after the blast at Tikrit, waking up was still the part he hated most about his days for the exact same reason, minus maybe the sighted dreams- his have slowly faded into the visual nothingness that greets him every time he opens his eyes.

That day however, there was very little he felt disoriented about. Auggie reached for Annie, knowing exactly where she was, and pulled her frame to him as gently as he could as not to wake her. She stirred, but made nothing of the contact and continued in her deep sleep. Auggie kept her near however, inhaling that beautiful smell of grapefruit he had missed so, so, so much.

He had feared he had lost her long ago to Henry. Those were dark days, both for him and Annie. He'd blamed himself for allowing her to tread that path that Henry Wilcox had paved for her, blamed himself for the death of the Annie Walker of old. All he had wanted when he had come for that little chat with Annie that had turned into a hell of a lot more was to tell her how he felt. He wanted her to know he had feelings for her that ran much deeper than the best friend role they had both allowed each other to be since they started working. He thought he could finally have that normal relationship without the complications involving work, instead, it had blown up into proportions he couldn't ever have imagined. To want was simply too different than to have. He didn't know if it was ever possible to want something and have the exact thing you wanted. Yet here, today, he lay with a woman he thought he had lost. She was alive, and that's what mattered. She was alive and still felt the same way that he did.

She had however, set more boundaries compared to the last time. Annie had pulled out of that passionate kiss they shared first, only to voice out her concerns.

"Doesn't it seem too fast, Auggie?" she had asked. "Moments ago, we'd just admitted how broken we were with the relationships we'd cut off, and now, we're just here, together again. Couldn't just this be emotions running too high?" He heard the tremble in her voice, the fear. He felt it too, because he knew that she could be right. It was too much at the heat of the moment. But he knew too he was hell bent on not letting her go this time around.

"We'll take it slow, then." He responded. Even if he'd had every damned physical urge, he uttered words he knew had to be said. "Not tonight."

"Not tonight." Annie echoed. She took Auggie's arm however, pulled his firm chest to her back. He couldn't help that grin that escaped his lips. "Stay, though. Don't leave me tonight."

They had fallen asleep cuddled up in Annie's bed, sharing sweet kisses and hugs. It was comfortable and restful- a contrast to how it had been when Auggie had first arrived in the apartment. All the bad had been exhaled, what remained was the good: the feelings they had for each other.

Annie stretched, and Auggie was brought back to the present by her movements. He smiled a smile that felt so foreign even to him. It seemed to be one reserved for Annie.

"Morning," he whispered.

"Morning," she replied, landing a chaste kiss on Auggie's lips. He smiled.

"I take it you're calmer now?" Auggie chuckled. Annie did the same.

"Much."

"I like these short, sort-of-one-word conversations."

"I like these conversations," Annie sat up, pushing on Auggie's chest. "because I have them with you." She gave him a kiss on the lips before pulling away, announcing that she was making some breakfast. Auggie decided to freshen up in the bathroom as she did so.

"Mmmm. I like the smell of that. You still know the way to my heart." Auggie announced his presence and Annie laughed. She liked these mornings with Auggie. They were always so light and so carefree, something hard to come by in their line of work. She took a mug of coffee and offered it to Auggie.

"Coffee's the way to any agent's heart," she said. Auggie put down the mug after a sip and grabbed Annie by the waist playfully.

"I don't think I wanna know how you know that," he joked. "just don't say it ever again."

Annie took the plates to set the table for breakfast.

"I'm flying to Glencoe this afternoon," Auggie said as she reached over to lay a knife down. Annie stopped, quite shocked at the news. Annie knew he hadn't returned to Illinois since he'd been fresh out of rehab. She also knew it was by decision that Auggie avoided going home. She wondered what was there now that would compel him to return. She hadn't realized she asked the question out loud.

"Tony contacted me when I was in Istanbul with Tash," he mumbled as he pulled the toast from his plate. "Dad's really sick. He wouldn't give me details, but he'd begged me pretty much to come home."

"That's why you were here." Annie said. "I'm sorry, honey." She reached out for his hand, and Auggie pulled her to his side. He needed her near. So many things were running through his mind- his last stay at Glencoe, the phone call with Tony, Annie… He didn't want to leave without her again, but it was imminent with his flight out tonight.

"I'm terrified," he confided. It summed up how Auggie felt that very moment. He hadn't been on speaking terms with his father since he had made the decision to return to DC after his injury. He was terrified that his own father would turn him away. But he was his father, and more than anything, he was terrified that he would entirely lose him before they were able to tie up loose ends.

Annie knew there was little to say. For the longest time, both she and Auggie had kept their families filed in a separate space of their lives. It was something common to CIA agents. So many people could be collateral and the last people they wanted involved would be their family. For Auggie however, he had been the collateral and this had affected his dynamics with family greatly. It was a time in his life he kept very neatly boxed up, and while Annie hoped he wouldn't keep it from her for too long, she respected the space he kept. She said then what she knew was the only apt thing to tell Auggie.

"I'm here, Auggie. You don't have to be alone."

It was probably one of the most beautiful things he ever heard. It was odd. He had kept to himself for so long- even before Iraq, he was the most independent people anyone could meet. Now, he kept to himself as an ongoing fight for the independence that had unquestionably been diminished since losing his eyesight. While he had accepted that there were things he needed to outright ask people to help him with, he was never totally comfortable with it. This time however, he felt good to know that someone was truly there for him. He hugged Annie tighter.

"I know."

"I can take time off."

Auggie thought about it. He hated to be away from her again. He fed off of Annie's energy, her spirit, and she sure could use it in a situation like the one he was entering. Her comfort, even now was something he didn't want to lose. However, he knew there were scores he needed to settle at home that were better dealt with alone for the time being.

"I'll be fine," Auggie said, kissing her in the cheek.

"I'll miss you though,"

"Me too."

"You'll keep in touch, right?"

"I couldn't handle a day without hearing your voice… not after this. Now go, you're gonna be late for work." Auggie pushed her up, and she argued to have her breakfast first. She was late as it was, and the truth was, knowing that Auggie was leaving left Annie wanting to maximize his time with him. She rushed through getting ready, and found Auggie nursing his second cup of coffee at the counter before she left.

"Lock up when you leave," she said as she grabbed her car keys. Auggie nodded, listening to the bustle of sound Annie left. He loved that confident stride she had, and he loved it even more with the heels clacking on the floor. In the middle of Annie's last minute instructions, he grabbed her arm and pulled her to a kiss.

"Yes, mother. I'm a big boy. Now go to work. I love you," he chuckled as he let her go. Annie smiled- she had missed Auggie so much. This was how things were supposed to be. This was where they were both happy. She next words she uttered were the truest at that moment.

"I love you, too."

It killed her to pull away, but it was something she had to do. She had to let go for a bit, but it wasn't as difficult as before. She knew he had him- she had his heart, and it was the most important thing that very moment, and even if circumstances pulled them apart, there was nothing that could break them.

"Annie," his voice broke through her thoughts before she left. She turned around before she shut the door. "When this is all sorted, we've got to talk."

She returned to her thoughts. Nothing could break them. Except maybe, them.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: The past chapter and this have been quite slow coming, but they've been needed transitional chapters for our characters, so bear with me. We get to meet some of the other Andersons in this chapter.**

 **CA is still not mine. I wish it was. I really do. Then the rest of the Covert Crew wouldn't be so lonely. But let's make this a happy get together and keep dropping reviews so we can keep Walkerson alive through fanfiction at the very least. Yes? Yes!**

 **Chapter 6**

He pulled down his Grados headphones midway through his flight. Not even Mingus could keep Auggie occupied. He'd wanted to forget his worries for a split second, but as he neared his hometown, he only felt more and more anxious.

Auggie hadn't been home since he'd left for DC again. He hadn't left Glencoe in the best light- he had run away from issues he couldn't face back then. He wasn't sure he could face them now either, but he'd be damned if he didn't even bother to settle things before it was too late. The clock was ticking- he hadn't realized that until he'd been informed of his father falling ill. He wasn't getting any younger, and he was sure it was the same if not worse for his parents.

He had grown up to admire his father. Despite the chaos caused by a house of 5 boys, no one ever questioned James Anderson's authority. Auggie, being farther apart from his brothers by age shadowed his father more than any of the Anderson boys ever bothered to. James was a lawyer. During Auggie's younger years, his father had owned a law firm that grew in number in a few years, if only because James chose to mentor the best lawyers that Glencoe had to offer straight out of law school. He raised them like his own sons- with a firm hand but an encouraging demeanor. It was James' leadership and proclivity to drawing out the best out of people that Auggie admired the most, and only could hope to half be while he went up the ranks in the army.

However, Auggie's bullheadedness came from the same man. It had caused a great many problems at home- including the last fallout before Auggie had left to join the CIA after his injury. This time, there wasn't any knowing if there was a way to solve matters because both men refused to speak to each other, even on the telephone. Auggie knew it broke his mom's heart, but there were things that couldn't be mended so easily. She understood that and he loved her more for understanding.

But now, with his father still at the hospital, he had no idea what was in the wind. He hated that. He hated being in situations he couldn't control- control was the only thing that had kept him sane through his blindness, and being thrust into situations like this left him feeling more than just uncomfortable. He wished he had Annie beside him like he had that morning to bring him back- to remind him of where and who he was because there never was any doubt when he was with Annie, but he loved her too much to send her straight to the firing squad. He'd fix things that he could first before she met any of his family, if only to ease some tension that could end up being directed towards her.

It was Jason, Auggie's fourth brother that came to the airport to pick him up. Jace, the closest in age to Auggie had kept his brother very close from the beginning. Auggie was his only younger brother, and he'd be damned if he couldn't protect him from everything. Next to their parents, Auggie's incident in Tikrit probably hurt Jace the most in the family, if only because it was the one time he wasn't around to protect his younger brother. Auggie had given rebuttal to his brothers self- flagellation- that no one would have been able to protect him from that bomb if they tried.

"Auggie!" He could hear Jace's booming voice amidst the hustle and bustle of the airport. Auggie hadn't realized how much he missed his brother until he heard his voice. A smile crept into his face and he hurried towards the direction the voice was coming from. Jace welcomed him with an embrace before taking Auggie's bag from his hands.

"It's been too long, man" Auggie mused as his brother led him to the parking lot.

"Tell mom that. She's excited to see you," Jace said as he put Auggies hand on the handle of the car door, holding to the top to protect his brother's head as he entered the car.

"I'm excited to see her too. And you. And everyone else."

"The kids can't wait to finally actually meet Uncle Auggie, you know." Jason had 2 kids: Hannah and Alisha- 5 and 3 years old respectively. He'd Skyped with them often- obviously more for their advantage rather than his, but he was excited to finally see his nieces as well.

"So what's the game plan?" Auggie checked the time on his watch- 8:30pm. It was too late to head to the hospital at this point. It was about a 45 minute drive to the hospital from the airport and by then, visiting hours would've been over.

"We'll head on over to our place. Anthony and Johnny are both there. We could just catch up. It's been a while since we've all been together."

Auggie didn't buy it. They were all home, but their father was in the hospital. No one had told him yet what the prognosis had been: just that it would be better if they talked in person. Now, Jason wanted to catch up?

"Jace, you know, I'm the one good with keeping secrets. Can we please not skirt the issue?"

"Am I really that bad?"

"Evading, Jason."

Auggie's brother sighed. He was so impossible to fool. He had always been that way, even in his younger years. Well, his brother was here. The thing was, he had come for answers: Answers that he couldn't give alone, for fear of not being able to handle by himself. He pulled left on the stop light and acquiesced.

"Fine. Tonight, when we get home, we'll all talk." He huffed. He only hoped his brothers could handle this way better than he ever would be able to. He touched Auggie's shoulder before he continued.

"But I'm going to tell you this much, Auggie. It really isn't good."

Auggie faced away from his brother, seeming to look out the window he couldn't see through anyway.

"The truth never really is."

He knew it more than anyone in his family ever did. The truth was, he didn't want to know. But much like his blindness, it was inexorable. It was reality.

Life could suck.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** It's been too long, and I apologize. This was an extremely difficult chapter for me to write, and I will tell you why.

Auggie's father here is a fictional version of my own dad. His illness is the exact one that dad deals with now, and it has been, quite possibly, the most difficult thing our family has had to go through. Auggie's relationship with his dad is somewhat like mine, and writing this down needed me to dig deeper into myself, and at the same time, find Auggie in the whole situation.

That, and well, I graduated a week ago too, so I've been hella busy.

I hope you enjoy. More Walkerson in the next chapter, I promise.

 **Chapter 6**

Auggie had spaced out as Johnny led him across the hospital hallways in silence. There was little to talk about after everything that they had as siblings the evening before. That conversation had left Auggie without a wink of sleep since arriving from his flight the day before, and had left him so many levels of disoriented. He'd probably need another lead out of the hospital later- he'd missed so many of the turns that they had made since stepping on the hospital grounds. He had barely realized when they had stopped and a doorway creaked open to his right. Johnny entered, calling out silently to his mom. In a quick flurry of a seat scratching on the tile floors, Auggie found himself wrapped in his mother's arms. Almost immediately, every stiff end of his body relaxed as he returned his mother's embrace.

"It's been so long," He hadn't noticed that he'd voiced out his thoughts in a whisper, straight to his mother's ear. Amanda Anderson smiled the way even she knew she hadn't since her husband was brought up to the hospital. "Too long," she whispered back before pulling away to admire his son. She couldn't believe his youngest son was before her, yet she hated that it was for the reason that he was around. But she would take it anyway. She beheld the sight in front of her, willing to forget the reason that they stood in that hospital. She exhaled, together with a thought she couldn't suppress.

"You look good,"

Auggie chuckled, quick with a comeback he knew his mother would hate. He wouldn't be him without coughing it out however. "I can't say I can say the same, mom."

"Not funny, August," she smacked his arm lightly and Auggie pulled away, enjoying the light moment with his mother. He knew there was little time for that, but he would make the most out of it. In his arms, Amanda felt frail. It had been 2 and a half weeks since his father had been taken to the hospital, and to his knowledge, his mother had refused to leave his father's bedside. It sounded like Auggie's mother, but all his brothers had begged him to coax her out of the room and find time for herself.

"I'm not kidding, mom. Do me a favor, will ya?"

"Anything."

"Go home. Shower. Have breakfast with Johnny."

"Your father…"

"Is asleep. I can handle him, mom. Take care of yourself. You said you'd do anything. Do this. For me. Please." Auggie held out his hand to his mother and squeezed when she had offered it. "You need to take care of yourself too."

"You'll be fine?"

"I'm a big boy. Just tell me where everything is."

With a sigh, Amanda gave in. She turned as Auggie's hand slid up to the crook of her elbow and led him to the chair she had been sitting in, explaining the layout of the room as best as she could remember doing it. She hadn't done it for a very long while, and Auggie felt his mother's apprehension towards doing so. He took his mother's hand after taking the seat. "Go. Take your time."

A harrowed breath escaped Auggie's lips as the door clicked shut. He folded his cane and stowed it away on the first drawer of his father's bedside table. He ran his right hand up the sheet as gently as he could- he didn't want to wake his father. James had been admitted initially for pneumonia and sleep had come few and far in between since. Auggie's brothers had told him that it had only been the past few days that their father had finally slept through at least 3 hours, and he didn't want to be the one that caused him an hour just because he'd arrived. When his hand met his father's, he stroked the back of his hand as gently as he possibly could. The hand was wrinkled and seemed so frail compared to the last time he held it, and a lump formed in Auggie's throat. Two and a half weeks, and his father had gone through so, so much. Not even his anger could compensate for the anguish he felt for the situation.

The situation. Not his dad. He'd told himself that the night before, when his brothers had finally told him the situation. He'd been rendered silent throughout most of the evening's conversation with his brothers. Only Aaron had been absent for the evening, but it was because he was out for a short medical conference. Auggie had missed Aaron's calm and cool demeanor from last night's emotionally charged conversation. Aaron was always the voice of reason of that family- so much like their mother. And since his was the career that veered towards medicine, he had more answers than any of his other brothers put together. Auggie looked forward to his return that evening, but 'til then, he would have to rely on his other brother's information.

It was information nonetheless. It was information that mattered so very much. Within James Anderson's two week stay in the hospital, he had been diagnosed with stage 3 Angioimmunoblastic T-cell lymphoma. It was rare, if at all that this lymphoma was ever diagnosed before it reached stage 3, and while the Anderson's had expressed their relief that it hadn't metastasized to any other organ, they knew the chances were grim at best. It was the fact that it was T-Cell lymphoma that had pushed the cancer to stage 3- it was more aggressive than it's common known sister, Hodgkin's and therefore a pain in the ass to treat. Nevertheless, the doctors had given them a chemo regimen to start as soon as the pneumonia was out of his system. The pneumonia was the more imminent danger that had prompted Aaron to ask Tony to call Auggie. Pneumonia at its worst was deadly, and for a moment, it had scared Auggie's brother enough to think that their father was going to pass even before they could get to treating the cancer. The past few days, thankfully seemed to take a turn for the better, and it was the only part of the situation that allowed the Andersons a sigh of relief.

Everything had caused Auggie to toss and turn the night before, and while things were hugely unresolved between him and his dad, he was and would always be a Daddy's boy. He would push aside their issues this time around- that is if James Anderson was willing to do the same. Auggie hoped he would. There was only so much to the situation that he could deal with.

Auggie, in his exhaustion had nodded off at some point. He woke slightly disoriented, to a hand stroking his mop of hair.

"Never thought I'd ever see you again." His baritone, though warm and thick like honey, was marred with exhaustion, he couldn't help the grimace that escaped his face. He was thankful to not have been facing his dad.

"Hey,"Auggie sat up and held his hand out to his dad. James took it and squeezed. "How're you feeling?"

"Short of breath." It wasn't anything Auggie couldn't tell. He could tell how labored his father's breathing was.

"Anything I can help you with for that?"

"Switch up the oxygen valve and hand me the nasal cannula."

Auggie sighed. That much his mother had forgotten to instruct him about. "A little guidance?" While he had always been comfortable with the rest of the family when it came to asking for help, it wasn't always the same with his father. He'd forget most of the time, and well, he wasn't the most detailed of the bunch. He'd make do though.

"A few feet on the wall above my headboard. Smack at the middle, Auggie" Auggie reached over and found the cannula hanging on a valve. He ran his hands over the valve and swore in annoyance- there was no way he could switch the valve and know what level the oxygen was at. He hit the call button right beside the valve and asked for some nurse's assistance. With apprehension, he turned to his father again.

"Sorry. Can you hang on?" Auggie asked his father as he took the seat again. He did his best to compose himself, but he hated to have started the visit with his father on this note. The nurse came in promptly and she bustled around as both Anderson men stewed in silence. It was James that broke the silence when the nurse left to return to their station.

"Why're you here, Auggie?" he asked. Auggie's head shot up. Was his father really asking him this question. He rolled his eyes.

"Because you're here." Auggie's answer was short and clipped. He didn't want to start things this way, but somewhere along the way, things had gone awry.

"That didn't seem to bother you for 10 years. Maybe even more." This made Auggie's blood boil, but he couldn't- wouldn't- allow things to blow up in his face. Not yet at least. He opted to grit his teeth and keep silent. He closed his eyes, opened them only when he heard his father sigh. It wasn't often that James did that.

"You broke your mother's heart."

Auggie's own broke, if only because he knew his father spoke the truth. He felt it the way that his mother hugged him earlier. Auggie bowed his head, as if to acknowledge the veracity of his father's statement.

"Not now, dad. Please."

Silence. It was something that terrified Auggie most now. He knew that with such a pregnant void, everything to him was unknown. But this time, he felt some solace in it too. What was left to talk about in such insouciance? Everything that needed to be talked about had been of too much depth for that moment, and even Auggie knew they were things he wasn't ready to talk about.

"You know." It was a statement, not an inquiry. "You wouldn't be here if you didn't."

"What's there to keep?" There were many answers to that question that Auggie didn't want to hear. Thankfully, nor did his dad.

"Not this. Not the fact that I'll be going soon."

"Don't talk that way, dad." Auggie snapped. Denial. He was so familiar with these stages of grief. He'd undergone them before. He wanted to say he could go on without going through it now. He caught himself at the onset, but he didn't know if there was any way to keep the ball rolling the other direction. "You've got to fight." He whispered.

"Have Anderson men ever retreated from a war?" James laughed. "I'm not going without one, Auggie. But we have to think of the possibility."

"Why? You're here, that's what matters, right?"

"Now you're concerned."

"Damn it, Dad. Not now. Please." Auggie's hand pounded the hospital bed much harder than he intended. James own took the fist into his own hand. The floodgates opened then. Auggie had prided himself from keeping many things under control, but this time, he was reminded of the things that he couldn't. The emotions proved too much for him to handle. The grief, the exhaustion, the confusion… it was all too much. He sobbed into his father's hand, but James Anderson heaved his son forward into a hug. While he too knew that there were things that remained to be resolved, he would take a big step towards the direction he wanted his one to take. He would take him back into his arms.

"I missed you," Auggie whispered as he held his father tight.

"I missed you too, son." He whispered back as he cradled his youngest son as he cried. His Auggie, always so composed and headstrong rarely ever had breakdowns like this. He'd witnessed them all. This, however, he would remember most. His son's grief was for him, despite all the wrong he had done him in the past. James hoped that this moment would allow himself to heal and accept the new reality life had dealt upon him.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I hadn't really thought I'd finish this chapter tonight, but I did anyway, thanks to all the inspiration from Finlaure13's twitter account. But yey for more Walkerson!**

 **Thank you for the continuous support from all y'all out there who bother to read this. I hope you find time to drop by the review section after you read this chapter. It's always so heartwarming to know that you're enjoying reading this fic as much as I'm enjoying the creation process of it.**

 **Oh and I forgot this last chapter, because it's so convenient to do so: Covert Affairs isn't mine. But the ideas here all are. Yeah? YEAH. Have fun!**

 **Chapter 8**

Ever since his husband was confined in the hospital, Amanda Anderson had rarely ever left her husband. The first time that she did had been when Auggie had pleaded for her to go home. Today was the second- upon Aaron's assurances that he would watch over his father, she had headed home to freshen up.

She was preparing some food to bring back to the hospital when he found her youngest son at the porch, nursing a mug of coffee. He was pacing, his free hand on the porch railings. Amanda sighed. With the way he moved now, you wouldn't even recognize that he was blind. The sight put her at ease- the last time he had seen him, he hadn't been quite so adjusted with his situation. But then, that had been so many years ago. So many years stood between then and now, and truth be told, she knew very little of what was going on in Auggie's life. He'd always been such an independent child. Amanda was glad he still could be- for a second back then after Auggie's return from Tikrit, she thought it couldn't be possible.

She walked to the porch with a bag of goodies for James and took a second to watch her son through the screen door. It was a second too long.

"Mom?" he asked, as he stood from the porch railings he'd sat down on for a brief moment. She took the right hand he had extended as he headed the direction of the door. Auggie pulled her into a hug. "Didn't know you were here,"

"Aaron said he'd keep watch," she responded. "He's still off the clock."

"I'm glad you're coming home more often," Auggie said as he reclaimed his mug of coffee from the railings. It was empty. Amanda took it from him to return to the kitchen, but Auggie reached for her hand. "Sit with me first."

They took a seat on the wick sofa set up right beside the screen door and stayed there for a while, silent together. Today, there was no awkwardness. That in itself made Auggie want to laugh. He'd always gotten along with his father more before because he couldn't stand the way his mother smothered him. At this very moment however, he didn't mind it. He truly missed his mother.

"How are you?" she asked so simply. So quickly, Auggie had wanted to tell her everything. It was one thing her mother had in common with Annie: they were the people he always felt compelled to spill his guts out. He'd chucked it off as motherly instinct before, but after meeting Annie- he realized it must be a special skill. But he felt the exhaustion in waves from his mother, and he couldn't burden her more with his own issues. He was a grown man. He could deal with them on his own.

"Ok, I guess. Exhausted, but who am I to tell you that?" he chuckled.

"You disappear for so many years and all I get is an okay? Come on, August, there's got to be more to that. It's obvious that so much has changed," Amanda pried. "I'm your mother, not your third grade girlfriend."

"Yeah, sounds like a response I'd give Cathy,"

"Don't change the subject, Anderson #5!" Amanda joked with a pinch to Auggie's arm. He feigned hurt and laughed.

"Guilty as charged," Auggie said before trying to compose himself. Where would he start? Where _could_ he start?

"Work's been pretty difficult, actually the past few years." It felt like a proper way to begin. "It started out okay when I was there, but we got stuck in deeper shit- sorry, mom- when we changed management."

"You're still working for-"

"I was."

"Was?"

Auggie sighed. The Agency was never something that came as easy discussion with his parents, even after he'd read them in after Tikrit. Now, leaving was going to be just as sensitive a topic as being part of it- hell, even returning to it.

"Please don't tell dad," he found his mom's hand on the couch as he bowed his head. "I quit the agency a few months ago."

"And where did that take you?"

"Around. I thought I'd find something outside that I'd never find inside."

"You thought wrong." Amanda could read him like a book. He could read him like no one else ever could. Well, maybe except Annie.

"At first it was freedom, a family- love."

"There _always_ has to be a girl in the mix." Auggie laughed at his mother's comment.

"But I realized I had it all there." He continued anyway. He thought back to Annie- he needed to call her. "She was there,"

"So you're going back?" Amanda asked. It was a moot point. She knew the answer. His son and the CIA seemed almost too perfect for each other. She didn't need to know every detail upon which he operated on. She just knew.

"I don't know yet," he replied. "But I'd like to keep that option open."

"So I don't get to tell James?"

"Please?" he pleaded. He fiddled with his mom's fingers in his hand. "I know you know how important this is to me."

Amanda extricated his hands from Auggies grip and raised them to his son's cheek. She smiled. She didn't know the battles that Auggie had had to face the past few years, but what mattered was that he was here, now, before her. Scarred from the battles, maybe, but still absolutely, stunningly alive before her. Alive- living.

"One day, you are going to introduce me to this woman who got you to quit all your playboy habits and has taught you to love," she said. Auggie nodded into his mother's hand and took it with his own.

"Soon."

He hadn't realized soon maybe sooner than he actually thought.

He'd been talking to hi 14 year old nephew Harvey when his phone rang. He'd excused himself and headed to the room he was staying in to answer the call.

"Hey there, stranger." It was Annie. Auggie literally felt the knots on his shoulders unravel at the sound of her voice. He hadn't realized truly how much he'd missed her until that very moment. "I miss you." He laughed at Annie's echo of his own sentiments.

"I miss you, too." He said as he removed his shoes and lay down on his bed. He felt like such a highschooler doing it- especially in this very room where he'd grown up in. To be honest, he didn't care. He'd be highschool, college and forever in love with Annie Walker. "How're you?"

"Finished my first assignment," she said. She thought to divulge more, but Auggie caught her before she could.

"Need to know, Annie." He warned her. He wasn't part of that fragment of her life anymore, and until he made a decision, he would respect that.

"This is turning out more difficult than I thought," Annie said. Auggie chuckled and assured her as much as he could.

"We'll get through it." They'd been through so much more. After Henry Wilcox and Belenko, he just knew life couldn't throw any more absurd curve balls that would ever throw them off kilter. What could be bigger than that?

"I should be asking you that question though. How are you? Your dad?"

"Dad's very sick. He's got cancer, Annie." Auggie hadn't noticed how long it had actually taken him to tell her that bit of information.

"Oh, god." _Eloquent,_ Annie thought. There was so little to say, but she'd never know why she picked that. "Are you ok?"

"We're… getting by."

"You're not answering my question."

"I miss you."

"You are an asshole," she called him out on his deflection tactics, but if anything, it answered her question. He wasn't as ok as he was letting out to be. Actually, he hadn't said it out loud, and that was enough for her to come up to that conclusion. "You're going to pay for those deflection tactics, Anderson."

"For you, anything, Walker." He chuckled, relieved that she'd let it go. He couldn't ever lie to her.

"Great. You'll meet me in Chicago tomorrow then. I'll text you the details, babe. I love you!"

She dropped the line quicker than lightning, afraid he'd find a way to protest. Auggie shook his head as he pulled his phone away from his ear and chuckled.

He was way in too deep with Annie Walker.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: For this chapter, lotsa Walkerson and some bonus bonding time. A huge thank you goes to my best cheerleaders in this fic, FInlaure13 and meburleson. Thank you for sounding out some fic ideas, and even driving me out of a funk by listening to my baggage… or luggage. LOL. Thank you for the new favorites and alerts too. I hope I hear from more of you guys in the review section for this chapter!**

 **For the 19543892068432th time(but really, it's just the 9** **th** **time), I still don't own CA. If I did, it would go on forever until TV died. But I don't so it's been cancelled. BOO USA Network! Can I please have at least Auggie? No? No? Okay. Fine. I'll make my own with this story.**

 **Chapter 9**

"Annie?"

"Hm?"

"Your fidgeting is driving me nuts," Auggie chuckled. They were riding in the backseat of the car service Auggie had called in so he could pick Annie up from her hotel in Chicago. He reached over towards her and pulled her closer to him, her back now to his side. He put his arm around Annie's waist and took in her presence. Having her in his arms had calmed his frazzled and exhausted nerves. He couldn't believe he was here- that he'd actually _allowed_ her to come considering the circumstances. Auggie had the compartmentalizing part of his life down pat, so this felt extremely new to him. His family, with how dysfunctional he had allowed their relationship to become the past few years was hidden in probably the most classified of all information that he could hide. But the thing was, this was Annie- he knew they had both made a promise long ago to never keep secrets, and even if it had been a long time, he was going to keep that promise to Annie- even if it meant them both great discomfort. She'd told him before that he would never lose him with the truth, and he hoped to dear God that she meant what she said back then, too.

"You know, my idea of being with you didn't really include the whole Anderson clan. At least not immediately _and_ all in one go."

"You've always had impeccable timing," he said, kissing the top of your head. "I won't leave you for one second, Annie, I promise. I've missed you way too much."

"Well, we're here now. Together. For at least two whole weeks." Annie said, relaxing under his touch.

"Joan let you off the hook for that long?"

"She says it's okay as long as I file for my close and continuing the moment I get back. And that you see her as soon as things wind down over here."

"I don't mind having to do your bidding if it means I have you here with me," Auggie laughed as Annie turned to face him. She felt so happy to see this smile- the one she had missed so dearly when she had decided that she couldn't push through with having a relationship with Auggie. What a lie that had been- she honestly didn't know what direction her life had been taking without him, and now, things were in place as they should be. That smile on Auggie's lips confirmed to her that he felt the same way, and it was assurance that meant the world to her. They had both been searching for so long, and she could only hope that this meant an end to what seemed to be a fruitless pursuit of happiness. Here, in his arms, Annie felt happiness she couldn't ever explain.

"Aren't you here because of your dad? I find it kinda weird that the whole family's getting together over at home when he's in the hospital." Annie asked, leaning back into Auggie's arms.

"It was actually dad's idea. He wanted us to get mom out of there for a bit. His friends from the law firm had offered to come over and keep watch for a day, and since everyone in the family's home, he thought it would be perfect so mom could be in our company without having to think of him." Auggie responded as he drew circles around Annie's arm, trying to calm her down. He could almost hear Annie's heart beating, and while he found it endearing, he found too that it stressed him out knowing that she was under such duress.

"And your mom didn't complain? That's sweet," she whispered with a smile even Auggie could hear a mile away. It was one of the most beautiful things to him, hearing her smile. He missed those, he always thought. But with Annie, he never missed anything. He would hear and feel every subtle change in Annie. They were just so attuned to each other that no one had ever dared question it, never dared to even think of how it was even possible.

"Another Anderson guy trait, I guess," he said playfully with a kiss to her knuckles.

"What, being extremely manipulative?"

"Nope. Just being extremely charming that you can't say no," he laughed as he turned her around. He ran her hands up her arm, to her shoulder, then her cheek. He leaned forward, and Annie reacted immediately, knowing what they had both been craving for.

"I should be terrified," she said as she pulled away.

"But you're here anyway."

She laughed because of the truth that his words held. She wasn't terrified. It was Auggie. She'd never be terrified if she had him by her side.

"So Tony's the eldest, he's an architect, married to Gemma and has 3 kids- Mike, Jonathan and Frances. Then there's Johnny- Civil Engineer, unmarried. Aaron's a doctor, married to Clarisse and has one daughter, Kathleen. Jason's next, professor at U of I, married to Kim, with two kids, Hannah and Alisha. Did I get that right?" Annie rehashed everything Auggie had told her as both of them got dressed for the lunch. Auggie had told her it was going to just be a relaxed noon-time barbeque, but it did little to ease Annie's nerves.

"Seems like you're ready to ace this mission, Walker" Auggie laughed as he took down a white button down to go with his khaki shorts.

"Har. You know what this reminds me of?" Annie asked as she helped him button up his polo shirt. "It reminds me of that cocktail exercise at the farm, everyone looking like they were walking the plank- especially Gideon, who couldn't even pronounce his cover name right. I can still remember his cover name: Akshayakeerti Sathyanarayan. I may even have mispronounced it when I was trying to calm him down."

"This isn't a cover op, Annie. It's my family." Auggie laughed, taking Annie's hands which were fumbling all around the place. "If I love you, they'll have no choice but to do the same."

"I just want this to be perfect." Annie sighed, dropping her hands as Auggie continued where she left off with his shirt. He lifted his hand to her cheek the moment he was done.

"You already are. Just be yourself. How hard can that be?"

"Hard enough, apparently." Annie collapsed into the bed, trying to calm her nerves. Even she found it hilarious how absolutely bothered she was by this. She closed her eyes, in an attempt to calm herself. "You sure I can't just be the girl that slept with the blind neurosurgeon during the cocktail?"

"She still can sleep with that neurosurgeon. Except, he really is a big fat liar." Auggie laughed as he lay beside her, taking a chunk of her hair and twirling it on his finger.

"I don't like lies."

"Then you're in the wrong company, Walker."

"Not fair."

"You know what else isn't fair?"

Annie just hummed a quiet inquiry.

"I need to go to the bathroom and get some stuff done, and mom's just about to come into the room."

"You're pure evil," Annie bolted upright leaving Auggie in a fit of laughter. Annie put her hair up in a ponytail as Auggie acknowledged his mother.

"Hey mom," he said, standing up from their position at the bed. He checked his watch swiftly and cocked his head a bit to the side. 10:30 am? "You're early."

"Your dad's buds got in early so I got a free early pass out of the hospital. Besides, I heard from a little birdie that someone has a special visitor. And seeing as this is my house, I think I deserve an introduction." Amanda leaned by the open door frame. Annie kept stunned and silent, watching Amanda. She was a stunning woman, someone you probably wouldn't know mothered five boys to success. Her blonde hair fell just right below her shoulders, with curls that Auggie clearly inherited. Her eyes, though a lighter brown in hue, held the same depth that her son's had. So many times, she'd heard the phrase that eyes were a window to someone's soul, and she had never believed it until that very moment.

"Where are my manners," Auggie's baritone brought Annie back to the same room as mother and son. Auggie outstretched his hand towards Annie, which she instinctively took. "Annie, My mom, Amanda Anderson. Mom, Annie Walker, my girlfriend."

Annie had barely had her hand out when Amanda held out both her hands for an embrace. "Oh, come on, Auggie. You know all the formality is your father's thing. Welcome to the Anderson home, Annie." Amanda, without second thought, took the younger woman into her arms in a hug. Annie smiled, taken aback at first by Amanda's warmth. She allowed herself to relax when he saw Auggie's smile however. That smile always brought her back to earth- back to him.

"It's wonderful to meet you too, Mrs. Anderson," Annie responded as Amanda released her from the hug. She never let go of Annie's hand though. Amanda shook her head to wave away the formality of the greeting.

"Please, Annie. If you're going to stay here, just Amanda." She begged. Annie nodded, glad at the warm welcome from the first member of the Anderson family she had met. She could only hope it would bode the same way with the others. "I'm going down to set up the table. I'll call you down once the others arrive."

Annie was the one then who pulled Amanda back into their fold. "I could help. Auggie said he's got some business to attend to, and I don't intend to just sit around and wait."

"That would be wonderful!" Amanda responded. "We'll meet you downstairs later then, Auggie?" Auggie nodded and laughed as he waved both of the women out of the room and headed to the bathroom.

The walk down the hall was silent but easy for both women. Annie admired the Anderson household as they did- the two story home was extremely spacious- barren even, but Annie knew that years ago, it was the perfect home to 5 young boys, all of whom have grown up to be fine men. Or at least that's how Auggie had put it. Annie could imagine the wide hallways alive with the hustle and bustle of children, and she looked forward to a glimpse of that once everybody arrived with the Anderson second and third generation later on. She stopped every once in a while to admire the many photographs that both hung on the walls and stood on the tables, and Amanda would give short tales of the photographs every so often. They'd fallen into an easy step together, and as much as Annie was relieved, she was thankful too.

"I haven't seen him so happy since he was deployed to Tikrit, you know?" Amanda said as she pulled out the glasses from the cupboards. Annie looked up from her flatware-laying duties and paused. She didn't know what to say, so she just responded with a smile. "Did you know him before he left?"

Annie shook her head. "It was kind of both a treat and a shock to have been shown around the workplace by a blind guy. He was so easy about it though. It rarely ever matters." It has mattered a few times- but she had made sure to make Auggie know that it didn't bother her one bit. After all, the Auggie she only ever knew had been blind from the get go.

"I wish I knew that Auggie. I've heard so little from him since he left. Back then, he'd been so unsure of himself. The only thing he was sure of was that DC needed him more than Glencoe. The blast had taken so much from him, and he couldn't allow it to take the one thing he knew he could still do then. James of course didn't like it, and it caused a conflict that to this day is beyond repair…" Amanda paused from wiping the glasses and put down the rag and glass on the kitchen counter. "I'm sorry. I may have overstepped with the sharing."

Annie had finished laying down the flatware and took the glasses and set them on the table as well. It was the only thing missing from the set up then, so when she was done, she took a seat. "He's a wonderful guy. We were best friends long before we admitted our feelings for each other, and come to think about it, back then, he always had my back. He'd get me through rough patches- and I mean really rough patches, and together then, we'd thought we were invincible."

"You work where he does?"

Annie knew she'd been read- in. Auggie told her that much. It didn't take much thought for Annie to tell her either. She could keep her son's secret. Annie knew that Amanda would keep hers. "Yes,"

"I'm glad he has you, Annie." Amanda said, putting her hand on Annie's shoulder. "Especially now. I know he's got baggage to sort out over here, but maybe with you, he can put his demons to rest. Just please be patient with him." She took a seat on the one beside Annie's, taking the younger woman's hand in her own. Annie smiled and put her other hand on top of Amanda's.

"I'm glad I have him, too." She whispered. She truly was. They had been through so much the past few years. What else could life throw that they couldn't handle?

Almost immediately, the doorbell rang. Both women had gotten up to answer the door, but heard Auggie's sure footfalls on the steps.

"I'll get it," he called. Annie headed to find Auggie and Amanda back to the kitchen to pull out the food she had stuck into the oven.

"Let the festivities begin."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Sadly, CA still isn't mine. But this story is, so this story's Annie and Auggie are mine to play with, to your pleasure, hopefully.**

 **Forgive me for not posting for so long. School happened. Oh, and being a girl sucks. PMS apparently kills my author skills. I'm back from hell, thankfully. So enjoy!**

 **Chapter 10**

The once empty halls of the Anderson home came alive almost immediately. All of Auggie's brothers and their families arrived pretty much together, and Annie found herself stuck in a sea of introductions. She had initially been on edge, but the moment that Auggie slipped his hand from her elbow to her hand, she felt all the tension leave her body in waves.

Everyone parted, breaking into little conversations after a few minutes of catching up with each other, and that left Annie together with Tony at the front entrance. Annie let out a nervous breath as they both acknowledged each other.

"So…. It's been a while since Auggie's brought a girl home," Tony said as they both walked towards the clean kitchen. Annie poured herself a glass of water as steadily as she could.

"I actually invited myself. I hope you guys don't mind," she replied.

"If there's anyone who was bound to mind, it was going to be Auggie. Or someone who is, luckily for you, out of the house." Tony chuckled as he opened himself a can of beer, swiftly transferring the liquid to an iced mug.

"Why would he? You're all married. What'd make Auggie so different?"

"It's not him, you know. It's you. Or actually, both of you."

Annie couldn't understand where this was going. But even before she could inquire, Tony offered an explanation.

"I'm assuming, because there wasn't a read in blow-up we heard about- and yes, we do hear about the read-in blow-ups probably more than we ever hear of the rest of Auggie's life- that you're a spook as much as my brother is." Tony grinned. Annie shook her head. There wasn't any hiding anything from the Andersons, she realized.

"We don't like that term," Annie smirked, remembering her little denials with Agent Rossabi. " That is, assuming that your assumption is correct. Which I'm neither confirming nor denying."

"Don't even bother. Pops can smell you guys a mile away. It really isn't me you have to worry about, Annie. It's Dad. Me? I'm just happy with whatever makes my little bro happy." Tony leaned back on one of the chairs at the dining area, smug at having the last say.

"Tony, don't bully poor Annie over here. She's been such a sweetheart." Amanda gave her son's shoulder a gentle pat as she passed by, putting down a serving dish of grilled sausages. She gave Annie a sweet smile and a wink, and Annie reciprocated.

"I'm not. I'm just warning her."

"Fair enough," Annie responded, as Amanda pulled her away to have her help and bring the rest of the food from the grill to the table. She asked if there was more to be done, and Amanda shook her head. "Find Auggie," Amanda told her. "Tell him it's time for lunch."

She found him, head resting upon his hands that were folded atop his cane, by the swings where the kids had been playing.

"I love that smile," she whispered, slipping her hands around his waist. Auggie welcomed the touch.

"It's beautiful to hear the kids laugh and play," he said. "Makes me forget everything."

She stood there with him, in the comfortable silence only they shared. She closed her eyes, rested her head upon his shoulder as they swayed with the wind and listened to the kids play. For others, it could seem chaotic. But she understood what Auggie meant. There was so much joy in their laughter that made everything go away. It was so therapeutic that it had become peaceful. They stayed that way until Annie's tummy unceremoniously announced its need for nourishment. Auggie laughed and pulled away. "Let's feed that hungry tummy,"

Right as they had turned to the house, Auggie heard a thud and a yelp. He turned as quickly as Annie back towards the playground. Annie was jogging towards the swing, where Auggie now heard a sobbing Kathleen. Annie stopped and pulled Auggie down to kneel, now face to face with his niece. Catching Auggie off-guard however was the little pair of arms that wrapped around him so quickly. She cried on his shoulder, her grip telling him that she wasn't letting go anytime soon.

"Where, darling?" he asked, concerned. He sent Annie to call either Aaron or Clarisse, as he consoled Kathleen.

"Here," she whispered. Auggie took a breath, to calm his frustration upon not knowing where the girl was pointing. He was in control, and he knew that with Kat's help, he wouldn't allow himself to turn that direction of frustration.

"Kat, Uncle Auggie can't see. You have to show me some other way. Is there a wound?"

She nodded into the crook of his neck as she kept her vice grip on her uncle.

"Can you put my hand beside the wound? Not on it so I don't end up hurting you more," Auggie asked calmly. Kat took his right hand and put it gingerly beside the wound on her knee. There was some moisture on his fingertips and he knew that it was bleeding. Auggie nodded, taking his handkerchief from his pocket and pressing it lightly on the wound. "Good girl," he cooed and rocked Kat. He stood up to carry the 6 year old in his arms. "You're ok."

Kat had calmed down significantly in Auggie's arms when Annie arrived with Aaron. Aaron clapped Auggie's back to announce his presence. "C'mon princess. Why don't we head back over into the house for lunch."

Except the young girl refused to let go of Auggie. She shook her head no, and hugged Auggie even tighter. "I wanna go back in with Uncle Auggie."

There was a split second of apprehension for Auggie, knowing it wasn't the wisest to navigate the grounds- even his own home- with a child in his arms _and_ sans his cane. Annie must've read his unease- she always did. "I'm right by you," she whispered, offering her right arm for guidance. Auggie smiled, shifting Kat so he could carry her with his right arm and take Annie's to keep them from running into anything. The walk back to the dining hall was uneventful, and the lunch was easy. Kat stuck to Auggie like Velcro the whole afternoon, and he didn't mind. The truth was, this was the first time he'd met most of his nieces- Kat included- and he was more than grateful for the fact that they'd all taken to him so well. Annie had been a huge factor in it- she filled in the little holes of doubt and awkwardness brought to the surface by his blindness. Everything fell into step, and Auggie wondered how he'd been handling life before Annie came.

He knew that that part of his life was a black hole. While he got by his life in the agency with little hitch, getting there had been a struggle. He'd fought to keep his head above water, but every day before Annie was another day he questioned if his life was worth living. He was glad he'd decided it was, or else they wouldn't be where they were now, relatively peaceful in Glencoe, with his family, and Annie filling every void of himself that he'd lost. She completed him, however cliché it was to admit, and there was no way he could see his life without this woman in his arms.

It was around mid- afternoon when most of the kids had tired down and fallen asleep, and Amanda had announced that she'd be heading back to the hospital. Annie had gone back to the room just a half hour before to nap a bit, but Auggie had stayed in the living area with everyone else. Auggie asked if his mother could wait a moment for him to get ready so he could join her vigil at James' bedside.

Annie stirred when Auggie came in, and before he grabbed himself a fresh shirt, he headed over to the bed. Annie reached out to his hand and Auggie took it, leaning over to give Annie a kiss on the forehead.

"I'm heading over to the hospital," he whispered. "Stay and rest."

Annie couldn't have protested any louder. She shook her head and refused to let Auggie go. "Annie, mom's waiting outside." He laughed. "I want to see dad, too." It wasn't a total lie. He'd always been worried about his father, even if even just talking to him was as awkward as anything was ever going to get.

"I wanna see him with you," Annie whispered. Auggie sighed. He knew the conversation she had shared with Tony earlier, and he has to say, he was surprised.

"Tony already told you, hon. You don't wanna meet dad."

"But I do. And he'll have to change his minds about the spooks in Langley."

"Not gonna happen," Auggie laughed as he pulled away to finally change his shirt. Annie laughed, tugging the one she had just removed, pulling Auggie's collar towards her so they landed in each other's arms.

"Watch me, buster."

The minty freshness of Annie's breath and her scent enveloped Auggie. She stunned him so much, and it was in ways that terrified him. But it didn't matter. He'd remain terrified, because he knew he loved her.

How lucky he was that she felt the exact same way. He knew that. He hoped she knew it too, because God knew that she'd need to know with the hell that his father was going to put her through. After all, every Anderson's woman was going to have to pass the James Anderson test. Annie's might as well have been the worst.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: It has been a little too long. And for those of you who follow this story but do not follow me on social media, there is a perfect explanation to my disappearance (besides school): Papa passed a way a few weeks ago, and inspiration seemed sparse for a while. This was difficult to write. I hope to get back to getting the spunk to write this soon. I'd love to hear from you guys, because you do keep me writing.**

 **Still, stuff up here, besides the storyline ain't mine. otherwise, CA would still be showing. -_-**

 **On with the story then.**

"Auggie, wait up."

She'd been jogging to keep up with his long and angry strides. It was never usually a problem. But he'd rarely ever seen him so furious. The last time she'd witnessed such a burst was in Barcelona- almost a lifetime ago. She had to admit that she hated to witness him this frustrated, and it hurt even more to know that his own family- particularly his father – had caused Auggie to feel that way.

She'd seen why he was so hesitant to introduce her to him. The rest of Auggie's family had welcomed her so warmly that James' up-and-down matched with a glare seemed twice as cold as it already was. But she had been prepared, and kept a cooler head on her shoulders. She had to keep it together- for Auggie.

This visit wasn't quite as pretty as the previous, which was the reason why she had to run up to his boyfriend in the hospital hallways. The argument had happened so quickly, she barely had time to process it all.

"Anything you want when I come back, hun?" Amanda was heading to the cafeteria to grab everyone some dinner. Auggie had just settled down on the chair at the corner of the room. It was his turn to watch over his father while his mom went home to relax a bit.

"Bring me back some fried chicken?"

Auggie shook his head. "Dad, the doctor just said…"

"Screw the doctor's orders. That chemo just shot my taste buds, bud."

"Auggie's right you know. I'll bring you back that green shake that they recommended. Sounds good to me. I'll see you in a while." Amanda walked out, leaving James to lash out at Auggie. It wasn't like it was anything new to Auggie, though.

"Always right. Can't even think of how I might feel,"

"This isn't about your feelings dad. It's about you getting better." Auggie had been trying very hard to keep his emotions in check. It was a scene he wasn't ready for- not in the hospital. It was a scene he'd wanted to avoid from the very beginning. But he had to give it to his dad: He had a way of making things just… happen. What made things worse was that he had made it happen in front of Annie. He didn't mask his vexation upon his father's a million degrees less than warm greeting of Annie, but he couldn't say he hadn't expected it. He had warned Annie. Yet, she was here, and he could feel her eyes boring a hole at the back of his head. But she wasn't going to speak. She was a smart girl and she knew her place. Auggie hoped to God that she did, because he knew nothing that they'd started this way ever ended pretty.

"You wouldn't know how this…."

"Stop right there. Don't go there, dad. That's a deep, dark hole you're digging."

"It's true."

"Wrong. Been there. It sucks. But you gotta deal. Unless you don't."

"Yeah, it does suck, son. Because you had the choice to run away." Bulls eye.

"Running away? That's what you think that was? Dad, I didn't know who I was anymore! And no one would let me over here because they were too afraid that I'd trip over thin air!" Auggie's well-bottled up temper was starting to pour out. That was never good. But it did, and he knew there needed to be some sort of intervention somewhere. "You're the one with the choice. There are a bunch of treatments right under your nose that you don't want to talk about, because you're too stubborn to admit that finally, something's taken over you that you cannot control! Me? I'm just stuck with nothing, with no damn choice but to accept things and find a way to move forward!"

"Always about you."

"I had to get it from someone," he spat as he pulled so hard on the cord of his cane, Annie was surprised it didn't snap. He slammed the door as he sped away, and before Annie could think, she had made her way out to follow him.

"I'm sorry," Auggie stopped upon hearing Annie's voice. He was still fuming, Annie could tell with the tension in every muscle in his body. She reached out with her hand to his shoulder, easing out the knots that had built up with all the stress of the preceding events. "You shouldn't have seen that,"

"'Sokay," Annie replied. There wasn't much to say. She pulled him to a hug, and she felt every single ounce of tension fall upon her shoulders. She didn't mind. Annie was there for Auggie no matter the circumstance. It took some time before he let her go.

"Go take a walk. I should get back to the room. Your mom won't like it that we left your dad alone." Annie whispered, fiddling with Auggie's hands. She was anxious about her own suggestion, but this moment, she would go through hell and back to make Auggie feel better. Even if it meant facing the dragon.

"I can't leave you alone with him, Annie. He'll hurt you."

"I've been hurt many times, love. Nothing that saves you from your own misery can hurt me." She responded. "It's your dad. It's not some delicate op in the middle east."

"I think I'd rather…"

"Nope," she cut him off mid sentence. "Go. Calm yourself down. Listen to Mingus. I'll take good care of him, I promise."

"You're too good for this,"

"You're worth it."

He pulled her in for a kiss because there wasn't anything that could be said. Annie headed back to the hospital room, empty except for James Anderson. She took a deep breath before entering the room, met by a first startled and then chilling glare from James.

"Your boy's a tough cookie," Annie broke the ice with a slight smile. She found James' stare quite unnerving and averted her eyes to the nearby couch. James just watched her.

"Well, you all were trained to be so." Annie tried to hide the surprise in her face, delivering a flat out lie she'd said so many times. Somehow, this time sent her on edge more than any other time she'd have to say it.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she shook her head.

"You're all pathetic liars. No one tell you I can sniff you out from a mile away?"

"Your other son."

"And you still choose to lie to my face. Already making a wonderful impression, Ms. Walker."

"We always have to try." Annie dry swallowed. There were so many emotions upon her now- fear, disgust, anger- all of which she'd had to conceal under a perfectly still façade. _Come on, Annie. You're a seasoned field operative. How different can this be?_

She knew how different though. She was making an impression upon Auggie's father, and so far, she was failing in making a good one. She refused to make it any worse than it already was, if she could control it.

"I never thought he'd end up with one of you spooks. Always thought it would cause an explosion too massive with your _too-good-for-anyone_ selves." He mocked. Annie saw red.

"That's what you think of your son? That he's just some prick who thinks he's too good for anyone?" Annie's jaw clenched, her fist too. She kept them close to herself before she even thought about causing any bodily harm. "He's given so much of his life for _other_ people! For this country, for the company he works for, for me, for his family- for you!"

"He left us!" he exclaimed. "He left us all in shambles!"

"Because he gave so much of himself he couldn't find himself anymore! Did you listen to him? He left so he could figure out the pieces of his life, so you all could live knowing that he was going to be okay! He chose one time to be selfish, but God knows he didn't do it solely for himself?"

"He never came back."

"How much of that matters now? Now that he's here? He's your son, sir, with all due respect. I know you love him. He does too. Don't make it difficult for you both. Don't push him away. He's trying so hard that he's beginning to break under pressure. It would break his heart again if you pushed him away. And he may never come back too." She couldn't remember what had pushed her to plead to him. But Annie knew that very moment that she had broken a wall. Maybe a tiny piece of it, but it was enough. They sat in silence for a while, and Annie continued to shake of the scrutiny that James had put her under.

"Did you know Auggie before he left for Iraq, Annie?"

She shook her head.

"Does it bother you? That he can't see?"

"Auggie and I have been friends much longer than we've been lovers sir. It bothers me when it bothers him. Otherwise, we learn to deal with it. I love Auggie for much more than his lack of eyesight. He's a wonderful man."

"There's much about him that you don't know."

"I know. And I hope that in due time you may help me know and understand those things."

"You're a mystery, Annie Walker."

"I've been told."

That moment, the door swung open, with both Amanda and Auggie in sight. Annie instinctively moved towards Auggie, wrapping her fingers around his. She let out a heavy breath and Auggie immediately looked worried. She leaned on his chest and shook her head whispering that she was ok. She was. But she couldn't be more thankful for their appearance the moment that they had.

"Annie, honey, I left your dinner in that paper bag with Auggie. Why don't you both head home? You look so beat, honey," Amanda addressed Annie.

"Sleep sounds like a good idea," she responded. Auggie chuckled and held her closer. He wondered what had transpired during the time that he had been gone, but thought it best that he not ask. Amanda whisked Annie out to the hallway so quickly to leave some instructions for the house, leaving Auggie alone with his dad.

"I'm sorry for earlier," James said before Auggie reached the door. The younger man turned around to face his father.

"It's a difficult place to be."

"Good thing we've got good women behind us then," James said. Auggie smiled, his curiosity for the earlier happenings heightened even more. He smiled and nodded before turning back to the door and leaving his father with a smug look on his face.

Leave it to Annie to charm even his own father.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: CA still not mine. But this plot line is, so bear with my slowness. The ol' writer's block caught up. But I'm back.**

Silence befell the Anderson home. It had been quite a while since there was that silence- everyone had lent a hand in cleaning and disinfecting the house for James' return the following day. It had been a week since Annie arrived, and while tensions between Auggie and his father still was pretty apparent, it had been kept at an awkward stagnant stage. Despite this, Auggie, for the most part, seemed the most at home Annie had ever seen. It was pleasant to see him so loose- something their line of work in the CIA rarely ever allowed them to do. She wondered if he'd been that way since he left the agency, but those were questions that weren't to be queried for that moment.

She watched him at the corner of her eye as he headed to the kitchen. She had said it long before- he mesmerized her, and quite honestly, he still did, even after so many years they had spent together. They were alone in the house after everyone had left- some to go home, others to visit James at the hospital.

"You want a drink, love?" he asked her as he pulled a long neck from the fridge.

"That sounds good, babe. I'll just be here at the living room."

She looked around, the many photos of the family surrounding the place. Annie had caught Amanda countless times just looking at the photos. She'd told Annie that she loved to look at them, especially now that the boys had all grown up and created a life for themselves. A certain one caught her eye- Auggie in his uniform, young, happy and at the prime of his life. His rucksack was over his shoulder, His mom around his arms, her eyes looking red and puffy. It was beautiful though- a testament to the bond that they shared as mother and child.

"What's gotten you so silent?" Auggie asked as he entered the living room space. Upon instinct, Annie moved closer to him, taking the other bottle of beer from his hand and led him to the couch.

"Just looking at the photos around the house. There's one that caught my eye."

"Yeah, which one?" he asked curiously as he pulled Annie close to him. She took the frame from where it stood at the credenza behind the couch. She smiled, took, Auggie's free hand and placed it upon the frame.

"You were in your uniform, raring to leave, but you have your mother wrapped in your arms, and she looked so extremely puffy," Annie laughed. "You looked so happy though."

Auggie ran his hand along the glass of the frame. He remembered that photo. Or at least taking it. "I remember this. This was taken before I left for my last tour of duty in Iraq. Mom was never very happy that I ended up there. She kept telling me she had an odd and very wrong feeling about my departure. Of course I was stubborn about it, and she couldn't stop me from leaving. Sometimes I think I should've followed her. Her mother's instinct was spot on as usual. She was always looking out for me. It felt stifling very often, but I understand now that she meant me a lot of good." He handed the photo back to Annie to return. She had just gotten up to replace it when he asked a question.

"Does she look the same? Mom?" There was an air of nostalgia and despondency upon Auggie, and immediately, Annie came to soothe it. She placed the frame back as quickly as she could, sat down and leaned into Auggie's shoulder as she took a swig of the beer.

"A lot more worry lines on her now. But she's still as beautiful as she always was."

"I don't remember."

"What do you mean?" Annie faced him, putting down her bottle on the coffee table and taking his free hand. Auggie dry swallowed.

"You know how people think that since I wasn't born blind, I'd probably have a concept of how things look like? Like I know which color is which? And what this certain thing looks like?" he began. "It isn't true. At least not anymore. Blue, red, green, pink- they're all just concepts in my head now. I can't pull up an image of what it looks like. I don't remember what the house looks like. I don't remember what my parents look like. I don't remember how I used to look like- not even how I looked as a child. I knew it was a possibility to lose it all from the very beginning- they told me that the span of visual memory is around 7 years. For many years, it was one of the things that terrified me the most. But no matter how hard you protect those memories, you realize that at some point you just aren't capable of keeping everything."

"But you're capable of gaining so much more," Annie said. She tried so very hard to believe what she was saying herself, but these were the few moments that Auggie looked so broken. She hated to use this hand, but she had to make him realize. "I never met you until much later, and you are the best thing that I have gained in this whole journey. Pardon me if it's a wrong assumption, but I'm hoping, that it was the same for you."

Auggie smiled a timid smile. He knew Annie was right. He had wondered this many times- if things had not panned out the way they did, would he have met Annie? And would his life be half as interesting or alive as it was now? Annie meant so much to him now. He'd almost lost her so many times, and he wasn't sure he was willing to even just think of the odds of not having crossed her path.

"I'm realizing that now, Annie. It's taking a lot of you to make me believe it, but I promise you that it's working. I just hope you're patient enough to work things out with me."

Annie closed in the gap, leaning on Auggie again, willing him to feel her proximity. "You've lost enough. You're not going to lose me to my irrationality and impatience again, I promise."

"You do?"

"Is that so hard to believe?"

"It's been a tough past year, Annie."

"I thought you trusted me."

"I do. It's just… a lot more hangs in the balance when I trust someone, Annie. Trust means a lot more _of_ me than it does other people."

Annie took Auggie's hand, wove her fingers through his long spindly ones, admiring how perfectly fit her own tiny hand was with his. She understood him. She understood why he felt that way, but only because he had openly voiced it. Sometimes, she admitted that it was exhausting to keep reading him. Auggie was very much unlike her- people have told her that they can read her like an open book, but Auggie kept many things away in tidy little piles. She tried and guessed how he felt and while many times she was successful, the possibility of being wrong scared her to death because she knew that the littlest mistake could tip the scale towards being colossally damaging for Auggie and her alike.

"Promise me one thing, Aug," she said after a long breath.

"Anything,"

"You'll tell me things like this. Always." Auggie's confusion caught Annie so quickly. "People may think I know everything about you, but you know I don't. These are places we haven't gone into, Aug. You've kept your private life so far away from me, I'm learning that you know me more than I know you. I know why you built these walls, Auggie. But I'm asking you to break them down for me so I can help you, and if that reason doesn't cut the chase, so you can help us."

Auggie's wrinkled brow straightened almost immediately. She surprised him in so many ways still, even if they'd known each other for quite some time. She didn't know it, but she made him understand himself more. She was his light in the darkness- so to speak of course. She made him see himself in a different perspective, for which he was thankful for. It was so easy to get lost for him now, in every sense of the statement. She was his beacon to guide the way.

There wasn't much to say. He wrapped his arm around her waist, and pulled her even closer if it was ever possible. He gently kissed her forehead, and as she upturned her head, Auggie gave her a sweet, chaste kiss on her lips.

"I love you," he whispered. Annie almost forgot that his eyes, though they seemed like they could see through her soul, could see nothing. It never mattered anyway, and it never would. This was how they knew each other, and they both knew that save for a miracle, it wouldn't matter for the rest of their forever.

"I love you, too. You still haven't made the promise though." Annie replied with her own chaste kiss, but Auggie had caught her unaware, deepened the kiss, and everything ceased to exist… until Annie's phone rang. She pulled away so quickly, left no trace of the previous exchange and answered the phone after huffing on her way to find it.

"Joan? What can I do for you?"


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I AM ALIVE! Please don't kill me. Im updating this story because I cannot bare to leave it alone- it is my baby, my story, even if CA will never be mine. Sigh. But we make do with what we have, yes? yes. The thing about this is that it is entirely personal to me, and I swear to finish what I began. No matter how slow the progress.**

 **Leave me some love with reviews if you enjoy this chapter!**

He tossed uncomfortably for the millionth time that evening, hoping to God that Annie wouldn't notice. But she did. She noticed everything.

"Love, you're keeping me up," Annie said, pulling herself up to a seated position. She put a hand on his cheek, a sign to him of her concern. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing,"

"Liar. Did we not just talk about being open earlier today? You've been so on edge since Joan called."

Auggie sat up too, hung his head, realizing Annie was right. Annie turned on the bed lamp for a little illumination and turned to face Auggie. She took his left hand, rubbing circles with her thumb as if to remind him that she wasn't simply there to impose but to help him. She knew she had to remind Auggie that he wasn't alone anymore. God knew she needed that same reminder often, except Auggie was always a step ahead of circle-drawing on her hand. She couldn't say anything now, so she waited if Auggie could finally tell her what had been bothering him since the phone call she'd taken.

The phone call hadn't been for her. Joan had only asked her how things were going, asked until when her leave had been filed. She hadn't expected for Joan to ask for Auggie. It had been an amenable conversation, until Auggie took her phone down to the basement where they talked for almost an hour. Annie knew more than to pry- she trusted Auggie would tell her when he could. He'd been so good at bottling up these emotions he had before, Annie was surprised he couldn't right now.

"Joan called in to tell me about a friend from the military. Caleb came from his last tour a little less than a year ago, a purple heart to show as well. Spinal Cord Injury. He's still in rehab, but his family's struggling to make ends meet." Auggie said. He remembered Louise very well- She and Caleb had been engaged when he left for Iraq, and he knew that with how in love they were with each other, things were just going to work out between the two of them. Auggie also knew another thing- that the CIA had marked Louise as an asset, but she never did fold. He sighed, willing his unease to exit his system with his breath. It didn't work. "She wants me to talk to his wife."

"She wants you to turn her," Annie stated matter of factly. Auggie simply nodded. Annie shook her head. "That isn't all of it, you know that, right Auggie? You're as much of a mark as Louise is. Joan wants you back."

"I know."

"You don't want to?"

"I still don't know, Annie. I know how lost I became when I left the agency, even with Tash by my side. But now I'm with you, and I don't know now if it was the agency life I wanted back or just you." It had been difficult for him to voice this out, but it had been the bulk of what had been bothering him that evening. He knew that saying yes to Joan had repercussions, and all of them flitted by his mind, worst case scenarios and everything.

"Do you want to do it?"

"It feels so opportunistic. I don't know if I can." He remembered very well how vulnerable he had been after the blast at Tikrit. But he couldn't forget how broken his family had similarly been. He didn't feel right doing it.

"There's a but somewhere there, hon. You wouldn't have been tossing and turning in bed if you hadn't entertained the possibility of agreeing to Joan." Annie continued the circle rubbing. She couldn't tell if it was the motion or the prodding that kept Auggie talking, so she relentlessly did both.

"I want to see Caleb and Louise. I know how difficult this time can be for them, and I want to offer them things I didn't get back when I was the one in Caleb's position. Remember that project that sent me back? Project Proper Exit? My life at the CIA had been so convenient, I had totally forgotten about my brothers who didn't have it as easy as I did."

"Then go. Not for Joan. Go for Caleb and Louise."

"You're working me, Annie."

"Really Auggie? I wouldn't give a shit if you decided to work at the agency again or not. That's not my call to make. It's yours. And while you always did make my life easier when you were my handler, I still would stick behind whatever decision you make." She finally removed her hands from his, put her right one on his cheek. "I love you _that_ much."

Auggie took her hand, pressed it to his lips and smirked. "You really are working me." Annie laughed, and Auggie tugged at her hand to bring her closer to him.

"Maybe a little," she conceded coyly after Auggie had launched a full on tickle war. Auggie pinned Annie down to the bed and whispered to her ear "Knew it,"

"I'd like to come out of my missions more alive than I have been the past few times, thank you very much,"

"Barber's doing a better job at that, I think."

"Honey, you don't know how many close calls I've had."

"Believe me, I know. You, Annie walker are a handful." He kissed her neck, stayed there to inhale that beautiful citrus smell of Jo Malone mingled beautifully with her bath musk. "I'll think about it, love. Coz I love you that much."

"Hm. Let's…continue this conversation tomorrow."

" _Just_ the conversation." Auggie smirked. He had every intention of continuing everything else then and there.

While the conversation with Annie had eased his nerves quite a bit, Auggie was still only barely able to find himself some rest. He woke up to a snoring Annie, and he did his best not to wake her as he left the bed to get himself some coffee. She stirred, but he silenced her with a few kisses and an assurance that she could stay in bed longer.

"Always such a morning person."

"Only when there's coffee involved," Auggie smiled as he reached the bottom of the staircase. "G'morning mom," he slurred. Amanda shuffled towards Auggie to give him a peck on the cheek. She brushed her hand on her son's elbow and instead of taking his mother's lead, Auggie slipped his hand into his mother's. He didn't need a lead in this house. He did, however, crave his mother's company, especially now when he truly didn't know what to do. Even if he couldn't disclose the situation to his mother, he simply needed her company, just to soothe his frazzled nerves.

"There's a pot brewing in the kitchen. Why don't we head over there and get you a steaming, hot mug?"

Auggie's response was a solitary nod. They walked in silence, but Amanda couldn't have any more of it. She poured his son a mug and handed it to him over the counter.

"For a spy, you keep your secrets from your mother so poorly. What's wrong, Auggie?"

"Maybe that's why I've stayed away for so long."

"You're obviously better at changing the topic. Stop toying with me, August. I've dealt with enough of that with your father. So spill."

"They're asking me to come back. Well, not directly, but you know how the agency works…" He sipped heartily from his mug, mulling over his own words. Did his mother know? He couldn't remember how much he had actually divulged to his mother anymore. He'd been so distant, he'd forgotten how disjoint his life was from theirs. He put down the coffee mug

"Do you want to?"

"I do," Auggie responded. Such a huge part of him had gone missing since he left the agency- he knew it could've just been Annie, but now that he had her, he felt like he didn't know what direction he was heading towards. He knew he had to allow Annie to grow, but that too meant that he had to allow himself to do the same. While he could consider numerous careers elsewhere, he wondered if he'd ever be as confident, comfortable and not held back other than at the agency. He knew the answer to that. But in front of him lay something he realized he didn't want to leave again.

"I hear a _but_ coming in somewhere."

"I don't want all this to go away." It was barely an audible whisper. He hadn't admitted this outright to anybody, really. He wasn't sure he'd admitted it to himself, even. But it was Auggie's mother's gift to draw emotions and things out of him- of anybody, really. He took a long breath before he said everything out loud. "Being home's made me realize how much I've lost because of the agency. There's been so much about this family I've missed. The kids growing up…"

Amanda put her free hand on the one Auggie was using to hold his coffee mug. "Remember when I'd thrown a fit over you leaving for Tikrit? Over how I thought you were doing something crazy, how I said you were such a foolish young man?" Auggie nodded, then shook his head.

"You were right, mom" he told her. "I should've listened."

"No. Listen to me, Auggie. While you were there, I realized, my reaction was plainly because my little boy had become such a grown-up and independent man. And while every ring of that telephone made my heart skip a beat in terror, I was proud of you. I don't think those words ever escaped my mouth when I would talk to you, maybe because I wasn't ready to accept that then. And then you came home, and that vibrant, independent young man I saw off to his last tour of duty was nowhere to be found. I was so terrified you wouldn't find it in you to bounce back from your injury, Auggie. It seemed to me that every day, I saw you sink lower into a deep black hole." Auggie's mother swallowed, willing her tears away, hoping to hold fort long enough to tell his son what she had to- what she'd wanted to tell him for so long but never had the opportunity to. "And then, I don't know what happened and you just pulled the rug under us so quickly and said you were returning to DC and no one really knew how to react. I know you know that your father wouldn't have it. I was terrified, too, Auggie. Didn't know how you were going to get by. But your brothers reminded me how you became that man back in DC and that maybe, this could be your chance at normal. And while I hoped and prayed that they were right, there were nights that I wish you hadn't gone and days I wish I knew what you were up to. But you came back with Annie and you came back a man above the one who left for Tikrit. You have no idea how happy that has made me." Auggie had taken his mother's hand, turning her palm face down as he rubbed soothing circles on both of her wrinkled and bony hands. "I may not know how things have come to be for you the past few years, but I know that you are your own man, and that being your own man means knowing what is worth sacrificing."

Auggie heard his mother loud and clear. She wanted him to decide for himself, like she always did, consequences for him to learn. That's the kind of mother she always was- so different from his authoritarian father. But as his mother's words rang- so did his dad's. He bowed his head, trying to shake it off. He sighed. "Dad thinks I'm selfish. That I did everything I did because I always only thought about myself. Hearing all that from you… I can't help but ask, mom, but am I?"

Amanda couldn't take his son's self-doubt: something he had rarely shown. She crossed the counter and put her arms around his shoulders. "Never. Ever. Think that way. Do you hear me August?"

"Loud and clear, Ma'am"

She kept him in her arms, held him the way she hadn't been able to in such a long while. "You've been through so much more than anyone in this family ever has, and still, you're here, for your father in his time of duress."

"It _has_ been a bumpy ride, hasn't it?" Auggie asked, pulling away from the hug with a smile, leaving his fingers linked with his mom's the way they did when he was a child.

"Yet you're home. And no matter what you decide to do with your life, home will always wait for you."

Auggie could hear his mother sniffle, and with one swift movement, his hand was on her cheek wiping it away with the pad of her thumb. But he let his finger linger there, closing his eyes, recalling his and Annie's conversation the previous day. He willed himself to remember how his mother looked like, but couldn't bring himself to do it. He groaned his frustration away, and tilted his head to the floor.

"I miss seeing your face when you tell me these things. I don't remember how you look like anymore, but I remember how much I always thought you glowed like a light whenever you talked some sense into us." His hand dropped to his side as he flashed a sad smile, and a tear of his own escaped his eyes. And as quick as he wiped it away, his mother took back his hand and placed it on her chest, right on top of her heart.

"Then take what you have, Auggie. Feel it here."


End file.
